Today I write you from a very vulnerable place. My heart is aching and I have found myself questioning everything I have come to believe over the past twenty years of being involved in this work. I live in a sleepy little town of about three thousand people and this week there was a tragic accident in a neighboring small community that claimed the lives of a young mother and her three sons. She and her youngest died at the scene and the others followed in the days after. She was also four months pregnant. While I didn't know them personally I am grieving their passing as if we had been life long friends. I am not alone in this grief, it is shared by thousands of people, some family, some friends and some just like me, strangers but all of us have been left to wonder why or how such terrible things are allowed to happen. Our collective faith has been shaken and the sorrow has permeated the very air we breathe.
I have personally been bombarded by doubt and uncertainty. It is my job to lift people up in these times. I have a duty to help people through their grief and prove to them that death isn't the end and it's all a part of a bigger plan and that it is all going to be okay. But today, I don't feel okay. I have been reading the posts on social media, a lot of them from people I have worked with and I try to thing of something I could say or something I could do to put it all into perspective for them and reassure them that it really is going to be okay but no words occur to me to speak.
In my desperation to think, to speak, to just do something the thought came to me that sometimes you can't and that's okay. Sometimes we need to grieve and cry and question our faith and walk around feeling like we have been hit by a train. I don't know why bad things are allowed to happen to good people and I don't know if I will ever understand that part of life. But even in this dark hour and though I am questioning my own faith I am still certain of these things... life does exist after death and we will all be reunited with those we have loved and lost. I know that the grief is ours alone here on earth and those in heaven are wrapped in the most love they have ever felt and time doesn't exist and there is no pain and they are happy and whole. They are not separate from us but are with us always and participate in our daily lives even when we can't feel them near. We are truly loved beyond measure and the day we are called home we will feel it and pass it down to the generations that mourn our passing. As difficult as it is to say right now I know there is a plan and that even though we might not know what it is or how to even comprehend how to look for it, it is exactly what we need in these times.
"All the darkness in this world cannot extinguish the light of a single flame". Francis of Assisi
Hold on to those you love. Live your life to the fullest. Focus on things that make you feel good. But today and for the days that follow when you feel the need to grieve and question your faith....let it come. Allow the feelings and the sadness and the anger to take you. But please remember to bring yourself back to the beauty that life can bring. Please keep this family and all of their friends in your prayers.
As always I am here to serve. If you have questions or comments feel free to leave them.