I have had some things happening in my life lately that have had me emotionally, kinda fubarred. I have had to remind myself that sometimes while circumstances appear to be happening TO me,they can actually be happening FOR me. This is true for all of us! Allow me to explain.
In my particular situation the things happening feel very personal but in fact it has nothing to do with me. At the moment, I am an unintentional consequence of another persons baggage. Being that consequence has raised a whole lot of emotions and since I have chosen to be self aware, I understand that those emotions are things that I need to take a deeper look at. In this situation I am feeling angry and quite honestly I could even say I have gotten bitter. The angry stuff is definately in the forefront but when I allow myself to sit with it and take a deeper look I am brought to uncertainty and self doubt, nervousness, and a whole other bag is shit that doesn't feel so nice. So now let's take a look at each emotion I have listed and I will tell you exactly how I shifted it and what I have gained from a seemingly bad experience.
Anger/Bitterness: In this case this is All My Fault! I have to own that. I lack good communication skills therefor things have gotten a little out of control. Anger turns into bitterness the longer you let it go. This is something that has plagued me my entire life. The solution....I need to stay aware of this and continue to work on it. I have to keep creating healthy boundaries and remind myself it's okay to speak up when something is making me feel bad. What I have gained is knowledge that will help me fix the problem. If you can't see it...you can't fix it and then nothing changes.
Self Doubt: Fear
Notice the pattern? While my situation has truly brought up more than this, for the sake of keeping this semi short these are the ones I have decided to settle with. They are the feelings at the forefront and part of the reason I was feeling so angry. Most of our negative emotions are rooted in fear. For me right now, I am feeling like I don't know where I am going and it is very unsettling and I'm freaked.
My Solutions: Acceptance! Sometimes all we can do is accept things the way they are. Most of the time, the more we resist the worse we feel. I am choosing to go with the flow rather than swim against the current and I can tell you I feel better already.
What have I gained? Well in the moment I have gained some incredible and much needed clarity. I'm still uncertain about what's coming but I know exactly what I don't want. And just knowing what I DONT want will help me walk in the direction of what I DO want. That might not seem like much of a gift but this is where the good stuff is born. This is where you can create awesome things! This is where you can let go of the things that you don't want and start new! Pretty exciting, isn't it?
I do want to address the other players in the game. I said they are going through their own stuff and while it felt very personal in the beginning when I shifted my perceptions and took a look at what is happening around them I was able to see that it has nothing to do with me. They aren't doing this to me at all. They are dealing with their own bullshit and I just happen to be along for the ride. Looking at it that way has helped me to feel empathy and compassion for them and I can promise you that feels better than walking around all pissed off.
Even if you are dealing with someone who is actually throwing nastiness your way, I hate to tell you....YOU are the problem! It is up to you to stop the madness. You can't be mad and blame people for things you continue to allow.
You can't sit around wishing for things to be differen or for people to change. You're the one that has to change. Your happiness depends on you, nobody else. A little bit of self awareness goes along way. Take a look inside, pay attention to how you feel...your emotions are speaking to you! And then come up with things you can do to make it better. It isn't easy and it is work. You will never be perfect and these issues will come up as long as you're living but it's a part of the journey. Life isn't easy but you always have a choice to reach for things that feel better.