My last few weeks have been the perfect storm of one thing after the other and then even more others added to the top of the other-others...it’s been exhausting yet oddly exhilarating at the same time.
Of course I had my inevitable moments of freaking out and feeling emotionally numb but luckily for me those feelings were quickly replaced with an overall sense of gratitude. I would dare to say that really isn’t a normal response for being in the middle of a raging shit storm but really it should be.
One absolute fact of life is that it’s really-really hard sometimes. Bad things are going to happen and bad times are going to come and a lot of the time there’s nothing you can do to stop it.
None of my latest predicament was in my control except for how I chose to handle it. I chose to find and focus on the good things rather than the overwhelming bad things that were in front of my face. I allowed myself to feel and express the emotions I was feeling but I didn’t allow them to take me over. Every night when I went to bed I chose to thank God and be grateful for all of the things that were good and even for the bad because I am a survivor of previous storms and I know there are clear to partly sunny skies ahead.
Being very honest it isn’t always easy to find the good stuff. Some days you have to force it and sometimes you can’t see any good stuff from where you are. That’s okay! If you can’t find anything good in your current situation then find something good somewhere else. Be grateful for a candy bar or a glass of wine. It doesn’t have to be earth shattering goodness for it to make a huge impact in how you feel. A few minutes of gratitude goes a very long way for the mind, body and soul.
“Bad times are just that...times...and all times come and go. Do not make them your house of dwelling”.
It’s been a while since I’ve written anything. Quite honestly I am learning how to be self employed, raise my kids and take care of the countless other things that life brings and keep my sanity all at the same time!
You know how it goes...get the kids ready for school and make sure all of their stuff is in order and homework done so you don’t look like a complete asshole mother...cooking, cleaning, baseball games and now that spring has sprung I have to find time to pull weeds!
Now let’s add in work and even though I swear I have the coolest job on the planet, there’s still the icky business ends of things that need to be attended to. It isn’t all fun and lovely dead people all the time. If it were...I’d be in heaven...almost literally.
The point to my ramblings is I am learning balance. I am learning how to say fuck it to those things that don’t have to be done today and that the work will all be there tomorrow. I am skipping past the dust and the hand prints on my glass doors and I am learning to love it.
Talking to dead people has taught me a whole lotta really cool stuff. One of the most important...All of our days are numbered here on earth. All of us need to learn balance. Don’t get so caught up in the to do list that you forget to enjoy family, friends or the fun and beauty that life offers.
We only get one shot in this body...as this person...with these people...enjoy it.
We have made it through another year and I know a lot of you have had enough of 2017 and you are ready to usher in this New Year by making major changes in your life. That being said I think it is time you understand how change actually works.
It isn't good enough to want change...you have to BE the change. Think it, feel it, breathe it...BE it! I am going to share a little of my personal 2017 story to help you better understand what that means.
At the end of 2016 I embarked on a journey to further develop and grow my psychic mediumship career. At the end of that incredible road I prayed that I wouldn't come back home and be the same me I had been for so long knowing just how easy it is to fall back into the same old habits and patterns that I had been living for so many years. You know...your not good enough...this could never be...bla bla bla.
I made the decision to surrender myself completely and trust that all of the roads I had traveled before that had led me to this incredible moment in time and that all of the hardships and struggles were preparing me for this. I wasn't quite sure what "this" was yet but I felt as though I had arrived to a destination that would change my life forever.
It is important to understand that nothing in my outward life had changed yet. I had changed. I was thinking different and feeling different and before I knew it my life was changing and matching what I was feeling on the inside.
2017 has been an incredible year for me. I have been working sold out shows several times a month and my calendar is filling weeks and weeks in advance. I read about myself through the grapevine of social media and knowing that I was able to touch peoples lives and help them is the most incredible feeling in the world. I have made more money than I have ever made before and this is where my 2017 fairy tale brings me back to real life...I still really suck with money!
I have been saying for years, "if we were only making more money". Well guess what, I am making more money and I am still the same old me when it comes to finances. The good news is I am completely aware of it and I have been exploring the whys and the thoughts and the feelings that I have surrounding the good old green stuff and what I have found is that money actually scares me. It doesn't matter if I have it...I might not have more tomorrow or if I don't have it..still yuck! Whatever the situation is having it/not having it, I just don't feel good about it.
The point of divulging my personal financial business is simply to help you understand that ALL change starts within. My external reality is sending me more money but my internal reality is still afraid of it so whats happening is what has always happened and will continue to happen if I don't change the way I think and more importantly the way feel about money.
Remember....Nothing Changes...Until You Do! I don't care what it is...if you are over weight or in a bad relationship ask yourself why. You can blame other people for how they treat you but in reality you have allowed it...why? There is something that drives those habits. Maybe its that you aren't loving yourself like you should or maybe it is because you feel the need to protect yourself(Louise Hay says that being overweight is packing on pounds of protection). All change begins with being aware of yourself and discovering the whys behind the whats.
Instead of rushing in to make changes for the New Year begin at the place where it all began....you. Be aware of yourself and your inner dialog and allow that to lead you to how you feel. We have been taught to be positive by saying positive things but the truth is you can say positive words all day long but if you aren't feeling it...figure out why and change that!
I wish you nothing but love and light this New Year and as always I am here to help. Send me a message or leave a comment below and if you are needing help finding your whys book a session. Make your 2018 your best year yet! Don't let life happen to you...take control and make the changes necessary to live the life you have always dreamed of!
The holiday season has begun and while I am excited to enjoy what the season has to offer I am sad and am missing those who will not be with us this year or any of the years that follow.
This year there will be three empty chairs around our holiday table. There will be no Christmas cards arriving in the mail from my grandmother or long exciting conversations on the phone to discuss dinner plans or share exciting stories about finding bargains on the battlefields of the shopping centers. There will be no rum balls that were often times so strong I was afraid to give them to my children.
My grandfathers will not be at the head of the table to say the toast or lead us in prayer. I will not get to listen to the stories about the good old days or his voice singing the Irish jigs that he loved so much. No compliments about the meal or dollar bills being slipped to me under the table to cover a part of the meal. No faint sounds of bickering coming from the other room when gramma couldn't find the batteries for the camera or long held awkward smiles because her dinosaur camera didn't work when it was time for the family photos.
All of these things that seemed so ordinary are suddenly gone. I wasn't ready to let this all go but these things, these beautifully ordinary moments have been torn away from me and my family by the cruelty of time and disease. These memories are becoming my new found treasures and when I am quiet and if I listen hard enough I can hear their voices as though their ghosts whispered them to the wind just for me.
The Spirit of Christmas truly does live in our hearts and in our minds. It lives in the memories of our days gone by and the stories and traditions that have been passed on from generation to generation each doing their part to remember those that have passed and leave their imprint on the generations that they will leave behind when they are called home. Inevitably the seasons of change will breeze through again and more chairs will be emptied and new ones will fill. I guess that is a part of the beauty of life, it just keeps going and what dies is reborn in the physical as well as the non physical.
Death is not the end and the spirit of Christmas isn't meant to die with each loved one that moves on. It is our turn and our obligation and duty to keep their legacy alive and pass down traditions and memories and leave new ones for the generations to come. Your loved ones will be with you to celebrate though they cannot be seen. They want you to enjoy the precious moments that you have left because they understand that time on earth is fleeting. Those that have passed are so very close and they do not need to miss you because they can see you and hear you and they know that you will be reunited soon because where they are time does not exist.
Talk to them, celebrate them and love them. Close your eyes and feel them drawing close and remember their words and hear their voice. Remember what they looked like and smelled like and felt like. Their physical body may be gone but the love they had for you has only gotten stronger and if you allow yourself to feel it, you have touched heaven.
Do not suffer through the holidays. Reminisce the good times, laugh and cry with those you love. Share embarrassing stories and make new ones! Keep traditions alive and create new ones, have fun and enjoy life because one day those who love you will have to deal with your empty chair and the memories you leave them will be all they have left. You truly are loved beyond measure by those on the other side and it is so important for your loved ones to know that you are well. They want to see you smile and hear you laugh for that is when they will be able to rest peacefully.
What are some of your favorite holiday memories? Leave them in the comments below.
Love never dies it only gets bigger!
I seriously have the best job in the world! It is absolutely incredible and I am always amazed at the absolute perfection of the words coming out of my mouth. Spirit knows exactly what is needed and the ways that those messages are conveyed to me can be down right comical or so very touching that it reaches the hearts of everyone in the audience.
While I would love to take credit for those moments the truth is, I play one of the smallest roles in those interactions. I was born with the gift of gab and have learned to trust my team and the information they are presenting to me, even when it seems absolutely insane, like when I am telling the old woman about the viagra being shown to me! I am nothing more than a conduit, a person in the middle that relays the messages. Sure my job is important but I wouldn't be who or where I am today without my incredible team standing behind me.
Someday I will introduce them to you more in depth but today I want everyone to understand that you, yes you have a team too. You have not come to this earth to walk through the trials that life brings alone. You have an army that stands behind you and they are full of love and support no matter where you find yourself in life. So who are these wonderful beings?
First we have God who stands at the very top followed by Arch Angels and Angels, Elders, Guides and Dead Peeps. All of them are amazing and will help you and guide you. All you have to do is ask. Remember we have free will therefore they cannot insert themselves into your experience unless you ask. I invite you to learn about your team, talk to them and develop a relationship with them. Get a book or look them up on line to learn each of the Angels specialties. Have your own experiences with God and Angels, Pray! Your guide is here to help you on your spiritual path. Which I promise you are on one even if you think you aren't. We are here for experience and learning so your whole life is basically a spiritual experience. Your guide has been beside you for your entire life and come as a thought or a knowing. They are fabulous and are helping you daily. Your dead peeps are a wonderful source of support and love. I have opted to include and invite my grandparents to help me work. If I feel I need some quality or assistance with one of the qualities my dead peeps possessed here on earth I ask them to help me. For example, my one grandmother was very organized so when I am trying to get myself organized I ask her to be with me.
Sometimes you can literally feel their presence and other times you may not. Please don't freak! They will be there when you ask them to be. You truly are loved beyond measure by those on the other side and you are not alone. Make talking to them a part of your daily life and notice what feels or is different. Sometimes their help is a very sudden miraculous shift and other times they work slowly and methodically. They know what needs to be done and the best ways to go about things. A little bit of trust goes a very long way so all you have to do is talk or pray and thank them for helping you.
As always I would love to help! Feel free to ask questions or leave a comment.
Today I write you from a very vulnerable place. My heart is aching and I have found myself questioning everything I have come to believe over the past twenty years of being involved in this work. I live in a sleepy little town of about three thousand people and this week there was a tragic accident in a neighboring small community that claimed the lives of a young mother and her three sons. She and her youngest died at the scene and the others followed in the days after. She was also four months pregnant. While I didn't know them personally I am grieving their passing as if we had been life long friends. I am not alone in this grief, it is shared by thousands of people, some family, some friends and some just like me, strangers but all of us have been left to wonder why or how such terrible things are allowed to happen. Our collective faith has been shaken and the sorrow has permeated the very air we breathe.
I have personally been bombarded by doubt and uncertainty. It is my job to lift people up in these times. I have a duty to help people through their grief and prove to them that death isn't the end and it's all a part of a bigger plan and that it is all going to be okay. But today, I don't feel okay. I have been reading the posts on social media, a lot of them from people I have worked with and I try to thing of something I could say or something I could do to put it all into perspective for them and reassure them that it really is going to be okay but no words occur to me to speak.
In my desperation to think, to speak, to just do something the thought came to me that sometimes you can't and that's okay. Sometimes we need to grieve and cry and question our faith and walk around feeling like we have been hit by a train. I don't know why bad things are allowed to happen to good people and I don't know if I will ever understand that part of life. But even in this dark hour and though I am questioning my own faith I am still certain of these things... life does exist after death and we will all be reunited with those we have loved and lost. I know that the grief is ours alone here on earth and those in heaven are wrapped in the most love they have ever felt and time doesn't exist and there is no pain and they are happy and whole. They are not separate from us but are with us always and participate in our daily lives even when we can't feel them near. We are truly loved beyond measure and the day we are called home we will feel it and pass it down to the generations that mourn our passing. As difficult as it is to say right now I know there is a plan and that even though we might not know what it is or how to even comprehend how to look for it, it is exactly what we need in these times.
"All the darkness in this world cannot extinguish the light of a single flame". Francis of Assisi
Hold on to those you love. Live your life to the fullest. Focus on things that make you feel good. But today and for the days that follow when you feel the need to grieve and question your faith....let it come. Allow the feelings and the sadness and the anger to take you. But please remember to bring yourself back to the beauty that life can bring. Please keep this family and all of their friends in your prayers.
As always I am here to serve. If you have questions or comments feel free to leave them.
I am in the middle of revamping my whole house and it has been a challenge to say the least. My house is a complete disaster area at the moment but as we get rid of more and more stuff and make the much needed changes, I notice that somehow I feel lighter. What is happening on the outside reflects the inside is something I have heard before but this time it is taking on a whole new meaning. I have entered into a new season of my life and amidst the changes of every day life I didn't notice just how lost I was feeling.
Dont get me wrong, this new season of my life isn't a bad one. I have so many amazing things happening that I can't keep up with counting my blessings. Things have been changing rapidly before my eyes but somehow it has happened so gradually I didn't notice but when I did finally see the changes reality kind of slapped me in the face. My identity for the past twenty years has been mommy and even though I still have younger kids in the house they are becoming more and more independent. My youngest who has always had his words for things is starting to speak properly, he actually called his beloved Tilta-Hurl by its proper Tilta-Whirl name the other day and when I heard it I felt like I had been hit with a ton of bricks. Grief is a fickle friend and is warranted when we go through any change. Right now I am losing my identity, I am losing my babies to adolelescense and all I can say is it sucks.
But.....out with the old and in with the new! It's funny how doing simple things like rearranging furniture and going through the clutter and putting a fresh coat of paint on the walls helps you feel better. Instead of sitting silently and to an extent unknowingly with my grief, making these changes has turned into a symbolic journey of allowing and welcoming in this new season. My life as I have known it for all of these years is going to be different and while I am still grieving the changes I am so excited to see what this next chapter has in store. This "house cleaning" is necessary and the changes on the outside are beginning to reflect on the inside.
We often think of grief as something we go through when someone dies but honestly grief is something we experience with any loss. Whether it's the end of a relationship, a job, a move...or going from mommy to just mom -grief is inevitably going to get you. Allow yourself the emotions and the pain that comes with it and welcome the excitement that these changes can bring.
As always feel free to leave a comment or send a message and if you ever need help,,,I'm here.
I just wanted to take a moment to tell you that sometimes all of us need help. And that sometimes our problems are too big to handle on our own. Sometimes it takes all of our strength to ask for help because we think that we should be able to do it alone. Well guess what....sometimes we can't do it alone! We can't get through without getting some help or some support. Sometimes we need to be strong enough to admit that we aren't perfect or we don't have all of the answers or just even admit that we don't know what to do. Life has its moments, it's ups and it's downs and that is exactly how it's supposed to be. You cannot have light without the dark or good without bad. Everyday we experience and we choose which one wins. If you feel like you're losing, please get some help.
I have had some things happening in my life lately that have had me emotionally, kinda fubarred. I have had to remind myself that sometimes while circumstances appear to be happening TO me,they can actually be happening FOR me. This is true for all of us! Allow me to explain.
In my particular situation the things happening feel very personal but in fact it has nothing to do with me. At the moment, I am an unintentional consequence of another persons baggage. Being that consequence has raised a whole lot of emotions and since I have chosen to be self aware, I understand that those emotions are things that I need to take a deeper look at. In this situation I am feeling angry and quite honestly I could even say I have gotten bitter. The angry stuff is definately in the forefront but when I allow myself to sit with it and take a deeper look I am brought to uncertainty and self doubt, nervousness, and a whole other bag is shit that doesn't feel so nice. So now let's take a look at each emotion I have listed and I will tell you exactly how I shifted it and what I have gained from a seemingly bad experience.
Anger/Bitterness: In this case this is All My Fault! I have to own that. I lack good communication skills therefor things have gotten a little out of control. Anger turns into bitterness the longer you let it go. This is something that has plagued me my entire life. The solution....I need to stay aware of this and continue to work on it. I have to keep creating healthy boundaries and remind myself it's okay to speak up when something is making me feel bad. What I have gained is knowledge that will help me fix the problem. If you can't see it...you can't fix it and then nothing changes.
Self Doubt: Fear
Notice the pattern? While my situation has truly brought up more than this, for the sake of keeping this semi short these are the ones I have decided to settle with. They are the feelings at the forefront and part of the reason I was feeling so angry. Most of our negative emotions are rooted in fear. For me right now, I am feeling like I don't know where I am going and it is very unsettling and I'm freaked.
My Solutions: Acceptance! Sometimes all we can do is accept things the way they are. Most of the time, the more we resist the worse we feel. I am choosing to go with the flow rather than swim against the current and I can tell you I feel better already.
What have I gained? Well in the moment I have gained some incredible and much needed clarity. I'm still uncertain about what's coming but I know exactly what I don't want. And just knowing what I DONT want will help me walk in the direction of what I DO want. That might not seem like much of a gift but this is where the good stuff is born. This is where you can create awesome things! This is where you can let go of the things that you don't want and start new! Pretty exciting, isn't it?
I do want to address the other players in the game. I said they are going through their own stuff and while it felt very personal in the beginning when I shifted my perceptions and took a look at what is happening around them I was able to see that it has nothing to do with me. They aren't doing this to me at all. They are dealing with their own bullshit and I just happen to be along for the ride. Looking at it that way has helped me to feel empathy and compassion for them and I can promise you that feels better than walking around all pissed off.
Even if you are dealing with someone who is actually throwing nastiness your way, I hate to tell you....YOU are the problem! It is up to you to stop the madness. You can't be mad and blame people for things you continue to allow.
You can't sit around wishing for things to be differen or for people to change. You're the one that has to change. Your happiness depends on you, nobody else. A little bit of self awareness goes along way. Take a look inside, pay attention to how you feel...your emotions are speaking to you! And then come up with things you can do to make it better. It isn't easy and it is work. You will never be perfect and these issues will come up as long as you're living but it's a part of the journey. Life isn't easy but you always have a choice to reach for things that feel better.
One of my favorite parts about my job as a medium is connecting with a spirit that has a sense of humor. One thing I know for certain is that our personalities do not leave us when we walk through the light and those you have lost are never that far away. They are with you and they are watching over you and your family. They truly don't miss a thing! Today I am going to share a couple of my favorite stories with you and I hope you find them as funny and entertaining as I do and above all I hope they bring you some comfort if you are needing it.
They're Watching You....and they will tell on you!
I had a family for a group session, a mother and her sister and a couple of their daughters. The father/grandfather to the girls had passed and the widowed mother was living with one of the daughters. Her health was declining and they were having problems controlling her diabetes. As I was speaking with the father his personality was shining through in a big way! He was really really funny! He was talking about his wife and was letting me know she was a pain in the ass! His daughters were laughing and agreeing with him that mom was indeed a very stubborn lady. He was telling me that she was very sneaky. The girls couldn't place the sneaky stuff right away so he started showing me candy wrappers stuffed in the nooks and crannies of the couch. Sure enough they went home and found hundreds of candy wrappers stuffed in the couch!!! Needless to say, granny got in a lot of trouble and they were able to start managing her diabetes.
Dirty Old Men....
Well ladies I hate to tell you but dirty old men stay dirty old men on the other side! So the rule of mediumship is basically if I see it...I have to say it. This is not always a comfortable scenario for me and sometimes I see something and think to myself.....you bastard! You're gonna make me say this, really?!? I was having a session with a sweet little old lady whose husband had died. We were having a wonderful session full of loving messages and then it happened! He was showing me the little blue pills. There was a lot of hype on TV about these little blue pills so I knew execatly what they were and all I could think to myself was No Way! I was absolutely horrified that I was going to have to tell this lady that her sweet and loving husband was showing me viagra! But remember the rule...if I see it I say it. So I say, "He's showing me the Viagra". She burst into tears and was nodding her head saying, That's him...That's him!!!! Of course spirit is very clever and they know what you need to hear. She let me know after our session that he wasn't big on sweet and loving words in life and during our session she had asked him for something that would prove to her that it was him I was speaking with...so he flashed me the viagra and that did it!